If you suffer from loneliness; you are not alone — The first 3 steps to help you reconnect today!

“Our time has been called the “age of loneliness.” It’s estimated that one in five Americans suffers from persistent loneliness, and while we’re more connected than ever before, social media may actually be exacerbating the problem. ”

The Huffington Post: “Why Loneliness is a growing health concern and what we can do about it” by Carolyn Gregoire

This was an astounding but believable statistic. I think I recognized the lack of depth in my relationships through social media but was not able to really connect it with loneliness.

Loneliness is a feeling.

“discrepancies between ideal and perceived interpersonal relationships produce and maintain feelings of loneliness.” from “Loneliness” by John T. Cacioppo & Louise C. Hawkley “

Several articles have described loneliness as a warning signal that you have traveled too far away from the herd. You are in danger of being lost or attacked by a predator.

When have you felt loneliness in your life? Are you experiencing it now?

What are you doing to alleviate that feeling or are you stuck and cannot see a way out?

What can you do today to shift your energy from loneliness to connectedness?

Although it may seem counter intuitive………………………

Embrace solitude!

Step 1: Go into a state of self-reflection that will help you identify the situation factors that have led to feelings of loneliness.

Once I began to identify all of the factors contributing to my personal loneliness;

I work from home as a solopreneur;
live alone 5 out of 7 days a week;
do not have close, extended family relationships, and
I have a strong desire to be with other people!

I actually started to feel better, validated, relieved that I wasn’t going crazy or sinking into depression.

What are the situation factors contributing to a feeling of loneliness in your life?

Step 2: During your time of reflection: allow your mind to receive ideas about how you can contribute in a new, meaningful way.

What are your unique talents and strengths?
Exactly what are you able to contribute that no one else can in the same way.
Open yourself up to opportunities to give and serve.
Be ready to receive from others in unexpected ways.

Step 3: Commit to engaging in one new activity outside your home each day.

Eat dinner out at a grocery cafe, no uncomfortable waiting to order and be served and the food is better than fast food!
Work at a group work space, library or coffee shop.
Attend a cultural event. Classical concerts and museums are perfect for going somewhere by yourself.
If you are really brave……….sit at a coffee shop without looking at your phone, reading a book or having anything in front of you other than the coffee……….see what happens!

Connect with me if you need help with these first steps!

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I can honestly say that Strengths Coaching has had a significant impact on our relationship.

rich-wo-cap-rev — Richard I McDaniel, Author of The Portal To You Inner World

In 2005 my wife and I took the StrengthsFinder Assessment on our own. We shared 3 strengths in our top 5. They were Intellection, Connectedness, and Individualization. I can honestly say that although the results were interesting, it didn’t really mean all that much to us. Now, ten years later, having gone through a couple of seminars by Jennifer and engaging in her coaching and consulting services, I can honestly say understanding our strengths has had a significant impact on our relationship.

Jennifer helped us understand just what our strengths actually meant and how they interacted with each other. Although my wife and I shared 3 of our top 5 strengths, we didn’t express them the same way. In fact when my wife was acting out of a common strength, but not in a way I would act, to me it appeared wrong. I would not be doing it that way. Now I have a better appreciation as to when my wife is doing something differently than what I would do, especially when she is approaching it from her strength. Jennifer has a wonderful way of bringing these concepts alive and how to apply them in very practical ways. Jennifer is a rock star.

Rich will be leading a 3-week seminar on his new book in September at The Hermitage in Indianapolis, Indiana. To register for this event go to the Eventbrite page.

Men would rather feel alone and unloved than inadequate and disrespected

This is the conclusion of co-authors Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn in their book: For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men

Women, on the other hand, want to feel loved more than any other emotion. When women feel unloved they tend to internalize their emotions and react by crying or becoming depressed. Men tend to externalize their emotions and react to disrespect by becoming angry.

What is the solution? Unconditional respect. Wait a minute, aren’t you supposed to freely give unconditional love and earn respect? Here are the ways you can meet a man’s need for love by giving him unconditional respect.

Need #1: Respect his judgement. Refrain from questioning his knowledge or argue about his decisions.

Need #2: Respect his abilities. Never ask him to do something by starting out with the words “CAN YOU……” or “DO YOU KNOW HOW TO………”

Need #3: Respect in Communication. What are the implications of how you are saying something. Run your comments through a filter first.

Need #4: Respect in public.

“If this guy’s own wife doesn’t respect him, he’s nothing.”

Need #5: Respect in our assumptions. Check your assumptions at the door and choose to build up the men in our life by saying,

I’m so proud of you.

I’m sorry I did that – that was disrespectful. I know I can trust you.

The silver lining in this awareness is that he doesn’t need you to tell him you love him. He doesn’t need you to do things for him or take care of him. Doing too much for the man in your life is treating him like a child. It is like saying that he is not a grown up and cannot do it for himself. What he really needs is your respect and appreciation for what he does and who he is.

In The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, he explains the idea of respect in this way:

You feel sorry for me when you don’t respect me, when you don’t think I am strong enough to make it. On the other hand, love respects. I love you; I know you can make it. I know you are strong enough, intelligent enough, good enough that you can make your own choices. I don’t have to make your choices for you. You can make it.

This is how men understand love.

Check out the partner book for men!

For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

Is Your Channel for Abundance Open or Closed?

Dear God,

Channel your abundance through me in a way that serves the world.

Marianne Williamson from A Return to Love.

The first step to opening the channel of abundance is to answer the question:

How can my resources be used to serve us so we can serve the world?

The external resources I have now and the internal assets I carry within me have a Divine a purpose. Those “means” are meant to meet needs and to be shared with people and projects that serve us so we can serve the world.

How can I shift my spending mentality from what I want to how will this serve the world?

My health and well being is important. Money spent on keeping myself at an optimal functioning level serves the world so I will be able to fulfill my purpose!

How can I shift my scheduling mentality and perception of time from a “have to” or “need to” frame of mind to an “I want to”, interdependent model?

The time I spend in meditation, allowing God to speak and give me daily, hourly assignments is critical for me to know who to talk to, what to say, and where to go. The time I spend actively listening to others, understanding their desire to contribute and the needs they are expressing allows me to understand how I can meet that need and direct their valuable contribution.

How am I showing up each day, in every encounter and ongoing relationship?

My “personal brand” is love, forgiveness and compassion. Is my work, on a personal and professional level, honoring my “brand”? I understand that others are not used to this. They are expecting you to be self serving and trying to gain power over them through your unconditional love. Love anyway!

How will you choose to serve us so we can serve others?

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Wayne Dyer’s First 5 Steps to Making Your Intention Your Reality

Wayne’s Weekly Wisdom:

“To believe your own thoughts, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men – that is genius.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The universal force that created you is always expanding, and your objective is to achieve harmony with that Source and thereby regain the power of intention. So what is it that keeps you from expanding to the mystical reality and full vibrational spectrum? I like this answer from William James, who is often referred to as the father of modern psychology: “Genius means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way.” To expand your reality to match the expansiveness of the all-creating field of intention, you have to peel away your old habits of thought. These habits have pigeonholed you to a point where you allow labels to be attached to you. These labels define you in many ways.

Most of the labels are from other people who need to describe what you are not because they feel safer predicting what can’t be than what can be: She’s never been artistic. He’s a tad clumsy, a bit shy, so he won’t be good dealing with the public.You’ve heard these pronouncements for so long that you believe them. They’ve become a habitual way of thinking about your abilities and potentialities. As William James suggested, genius means making a shift in your thinking so that you can let go of those habits and open yourself to possibilities of greatness.

Pay attention to yourself in ways that allow the expansion of the infinite possibilities that you’re potentially capable of. You may decide, as I have, that repairing an automobile and surfing in the ocean aren’t what you enjoy doing. So leave those activities to others, and use your genius to engage in pursuits that please and attract you. Expand your reality to the point where you pursue what you love doing and excel at it. Involve yourself in the high-energy levels of trust, optimism, appreciation, reverence, joy and love. That means love for what you’re doing, love for yourself, and love for your genius which allows you to immerse yourself in any activity and enjoy the process of experiencing it fully.

Making Your Intention Your Reality

I’d like to offer five of ten steps for putting this intention to appreciate and express the genius within you to work that came from my calling to write The Power of Intention. My hope is that these steps will help you see that you have greatness within you – you just have to trust this and pursue what brings you joy.

Step 1: Declare yourself to be a genius! Remind yourself that you’re one of the masterpieces that emanated from the universal field of intention. You don’t have to prove that you’re a genius, nor do you need to compare any of your accomplishments to those of others. You have a unique gift to offer to this world, and you are unique in the entire history of creation.

Step 2: Make a decision to listen more carefully to your inner insights, no matter how small or insignificant you may have previously judged them to be.These thoughts, which you may have viewed as silly or unworthy of attention, are your private connection to the field of intention. Thoughts that seem to persist, particularly if they relate to new activities and adventures, aren’t in your mind accidentally. Those tenacious thoughts that don’t go away should be viewed by you as intention talking to you, saying, You signed up to express your unique brilliance, so why do you keep ignoring the genius in favor of settling for less?

Step 3: Take constructive action toward implementing your inner intuitive inclinations. Any step in the direction of expressing creative impulses is a step in the direction of actualizing the genius that resides within you – for example, writing and submitting a book outline, regardless of how you may have doubted yourself up until now; recording a CD of yourself reading poetry or singing the songs you’ve written; purchasing an easel and art paraphernalia and spending an afternoon painting; or visiting an expert in the field that interests you.

Step 4: Know that any and all thoughts that you have regarding your own skills, interests, and inclinations are valid. To reinforce the validity of your thoughts, keep them private. Tell yourself that they’re between you and God. If you keep them in the spiritual domain, you don’t have to introduce them to your ego or expose them to the egos of those around you. This means that you’ll never have to compromise them by explaining and defending them to others.

Step 5: Remind yourself that aligning with spiritual energy is how you will find and convey the genius within you. Shift your energy to harmonize vibrationally with the energy of Source. Be an appreciator of life, and refuse to have thoughts of hatred, anxiety, anger, and judgment. Trust yourself as a piece of God and your genius will flourish.

The man who inspires me every day, Ralph Waldo Emerson, whose photograph looks back at me as I write, put it this way: “To believe your own thoughts, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men – that is genius.”

Take this awareness and apply it in your life. These five steps will help you appreciate and express the genius within you – and doing so will bring great joy and purpose in your life.

Namaste,
Wayne W. Dyer

Starry, Starry Nights and You are the Star!

Starry, Starry Nights!

Grand Canyon along the Pine Creek Rail-Trail in PA

We are enjoying a long cycling vacation through New York and Pennsylvania. After an amazing day of cycling (33 miles) along the Pine Creek Rail-Trail, home to the “Grand Canyon” of Northern Pennsylvania, we returned to our AirBnB residence around 10:30pm. As I got out of the car I was immediately struck by the amazing light show of stars, the Milky Way and all of its brilliance in the absence of the moon! As we gazed at the stars above, we walked to the pitch black backyard, near the small pond with only a muddy edge. The backdrop of trees served as the perfect “screen” for another light show of hundreds of lightening bugs, serenaded by the melodious croaking of the frogs in the pond. There was a rhythm of light and sound that was inspiring, improvisatory and at the same time perfectly “performed”! All around us was an amazing show of illumination, synchronization and harmony!

The brilliance of the stars is always there, however, the sun, moon, and clouds often overshadow their true power. Metaphorically, our personal brilliance is often overshadowed by an incorrect belief or misperception about ourselves. Maybe we are more focused on what we consider to be a glaring flaw, a shadow self of weakness and fear that cause us to show up tentatively or aggressively in everyday situations. Any time we question our “glowing star potential” we limit our greatest contribution to only a sliver of our true potential. When we question our own potential we actually question the shining potential in everyone one and everything around us!

The sun and the moon are complimentary light sources in our Universe, creating a foundation of rhythm and form in our daily, monthly and yearly lives. They model change and stability at the same time. We are complimentary light sources for each other. Each person we meet reflects back to us a part of ourselves that we are not seeing clearly. Opportunities for mutual growth are uniquely orchestrated experiences for us to release what no longer resonates with our belief about ourselves, learn to “change our tune”, and step into new ways of being. We can, at that moment choose to learn through fear and doubt or through wisdom and become enlightened; to express more inner light in our daily lives than darkness.

I found myself immersed in the amazement of the sky while, at the same time, I was also concerned about the darkness and what might be lurking in the shadows, would I fall into the pond, would I ruin my favorite shoes, would an alien ship come down and scoop me up?

I chose wisdom; I chose to engage with the spectacular light show of the Universe displayed before my eyes. I chose to calm my fear of the depth of the darkness around me; I’m a city girl after all!

Be a brilliant shining star!

Speak boldly from your heart with Love.

Teach others what you want to learn!

Acknowledge your own talents and strengths and commit to contribute them with a universal purpose in mind.

Reach out, recognize and reveal the brilliance in others.

Just like the brilliance of the stars, the Universe will find a medium to remind us of our brilliant light and to recognize the brilliant light shining from everyone around us!

Look for it. Expect it. Receive it. Share it!

My commitment to contribute!

The Power of Compound Learning

It’s Thankful Thursday!

Thankful Thursdays! I have an unusual habit for expressing gratitude when it comes to my business. I use a small notebook, sit in my favorite comfy chair in in my office with a cup of tea and I allow people to come to my mind randomly, I write down their names and I pray for them. I bless them, thank them, and ask them to connect with me if I can help them . This has been a very uplifting and fruitful exercise! Thursday is also a good day to write personal – snail-mail notes! they will receive them by Tuesday or Wednesday of the next week and then receive or read a motivating email/post from you as well! (I connect with my strength of Belief, a core belief in the unique contributions and needs of each individual.)

Happy Follow-up Friday!

I want to share with you a unique system I have created and used for organizing your week by the day! As a Strategic Strengths coach, I naturally focus on different strengths each day so that by the end of the week I have activated everything in my A+ zone!

Motivation Monday: Get fired up about your vision and mission by focusing on Stephen Covey’s First Things First, Quadrant #2 activities. ( I focus on Ideation, Futuristic and Strategic)

Talking Tuesdays: A great day to make phone calls, create connections and meet one on one with individuals via phone or real physical space! This summer I am hosting a weekly Tuesday evening get together called Tuned In Tuesdays that is just for conversation, no networking, no coaching, no teaching! In the past I have done a Blog Talk Radio show, Be Strong with Tuned In Coaching on Tuesdays and noon that I plan to start up again. (I focus on Connectedness and Empathy)

Wooing Wednesdays: I have WOO (winning others over) Activator and Communication in my top 5 StrengthsFinder Profile. This is the day I usually post an inspiring article that influences people to change and see things differently. Of course, it helps me gain exposure and credibility, but mostly in helps me add value to my sphere of influence. Wednesday is a great day to do this because it is mid-week and kind of a sweet-spot for people between remaining engaged at work and starting to plan for the weekend.

Finally!! Follow-up FRIDAYS! This is the day to follow-up and make appointments and plans for the next week and follow through on the things you promised to do for others. I use my Strategic, Input and Activator and Responsibility strengths to get the job done with ease.

I am going to hand this idea over to one of my favorite authors who has a great handle on adding value and creating a powerful referral network, Bob Burg. In his book, Endless Referrals he states:

One of the more deadly sins of networking is not following through on what we promised to do.

Here is a link to his short article on follow-up/follow-through.

The Immense Importance of Follow-Up

Loneliness is a feeling.

Embrace solitude!

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Look for it. Expect it. Receive it. Share it!

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