Recently, with the graduation of my son from high school and my daughter from college, I have been in a highly, emotionally charged state; just ask those closest to me! The change of my status from a mother of school age children to an “empty nester” has really thrown me for a loop! Through my coach training I have learned that I can choose how I want to show up in any situation and this transition is a great opportunity to put my skills to work!
When was the last time you set a specific intention for an upcoming life event?
Maybe it is a family vacation, an important interview, a difficult encounter with a disengaged family member or business partner or a dramatic change of lifestyle. Setting an intention means that you will decide to act a certain way in order to achieve a goal or change how you are “showing up”. Let’s go deeper into the creation of intentions by asking and then answering these three questions.
#1 Who will benefit from this decision or action?
#2 How does this decision or action serve me?
#3 Does everyone win when I make this choice?
If the answer to #1 is someone else, then you are playing the role of a victim or being compassionate. One of the things I learned from the Brenè Brown’s eCourse on The Gifts of Imperfection was about the difference between victimhood and compassion. Those that practiced compassion also set boundaries and held others accountable for their actions. When you do this, you start playing a game where everyone has the opportunity to win. The answer to #2 might be….’uh, I didn’t really think about it”. Many of my habits are so embedded in my subconscious routines that I have forgotten to question the value and implications of my thoughts, feelings or actions on a daily basis. Dr. Joe Dispenza, in his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, writes;
Change your internal environment — the way you think and feel — and then see how the external environment is altered by your efforts. You just went from “cause and effect” to “causing an effect.”
Now we move to question #3. Does everything have to be a win-win? Are you more comfortable letting the other person win most of the time? If you answered yes to the last question, you are missing out on a huge jackpot of opportunity on a daily basis! Yes, I think, I know, without a doubt, that we want to create win-wins as often as possible and keep working out the details until every situation becomes a win-win. If we are not doing this, we are just giving up and letting the other person win. Yes, there is a risk that the other people involved will not want to play the same game with different boundaries and rules. If you don’t play that game anymore with that person, how will you feel? Will you feel like a victim or will you realize the new opportunities you have created to show up more authentic and loving!