I have learned a lot about communication through the coach training program I have been involved in over the past year. The most important element of the training is that you, the coach, are always working on the client’s agenda. This has been one of the most difficult skills to integrate into my business and personal relationships.
Certainly, there are relationships that call for me to impose and follow my own agenda. Working with a coach has been a beautiful, empowering experience! I have accomplished more and moved quickly through situations in a way that astounds me. Attempting to work through issues with a friend or loved one is good but you tend to take many side streets for the other person’s agenda along the way.
The service I provide for my clients is valuable because everything we talk about is about them. I offer information, resources, intuitive responses, and helpful ideas. I am a good strategic planner and can connect the dots to form a cohesive approach to problem solving and awareness. At the end of the day, it is still about their agenda and the ideas, actions and solutions that they generate for themselves. I always have to leave my personal agenda at the door before I walk into a meeting, pick up the phone, or send off an email.
I challenge you to give the gift of change to someone you know and love. It could be a co-worker, friends, service professional, family member, or partner.
Change the way you communicate with the people you love.
It is one thing to tolerate other people and their idiosyncrasies but it is an entirely different thing to allow them to be the way they are.
Micromanaging has gotten a bad rap in the business world and it is not being very well received at home these days either. Letting others take initiative and invest in a group project is great but that means that I lose control!
Fact: I never had control.
Controlling attitudes and actions come across as disrespectful. If we respect and honor another person’s intelligence and goodness, we open up the possibility of developing trust.
The core skill in the coaching profession is to ask empowering questions. Take a few extra seconds to rephrase your agenda into an open-ended, respectful, affirming question.
Try it, you have the opportunity to give the best gift you have ever given to the people you love!